Single, not ready to mingle

I realized recently that I have broken the family tradition.

At 21, I am the first in several generations to not be married yet.

High school sweethearts run in my family. My grandma and grandpa, my parents, but not me.

Let's be real here, we all know by now that I got dumped. And yes it hurt. Like hell, actually.

But, here's the deal.

I'm okay. I still have random flashbacks that will make me cry and I wonder if my ex-boyfriend and I will ever be true friends or if that was just what we were supposed to say that night.

Contrary to most of my friends' advice, we have talked. I have seen him on occasion in group settings. We even had thought about getting coffee one on one over break. But that didn't happen. It's probably for the better.

It has been a little under four months since the break-up. Four months since my world changed. We were together for almost two years and I personally saw a lot more of a future for us.

But, the thing is, that's okay.

What's not okay is how many people have decided to tell me what to do now.

I have been told that I should remove my purity ring, change my values or at least flirt with more guys.

Well, I can tell you that I am not the flirtiest person but when the right guy comes around, he'll know. I think I am a decent flirter, so nothing should be confusing.

That also means that this is not the boat I am in just yet.

Right now, I know I am not ready to flirt, go out with or start a new relationship with a new guy.

And it's driving me crazy that I feel bad about this.

It's actually to whoever the new guy is's convenience. I can promise you, new man, that you do not want into my life as I am still comparing each and every thing about you to the last love of my life. It's not fair to you and will leave both of us disappointed.

Right now, I want to have fun. I want to get to know the Christa who isn't in a relationship. I haven't seen her in a while.

My goal? I want to ace my classes this semester and get my beach body into shape before I go to the Dominican Republic this summer.

While this should keep me plenty busy, I also have my one, petty goal of having a guy buy me a drink at a bar eventually. But, that means I need to go out and not stay in bed or doing homework every weekend. What a sacrifice.

What The New York Times got wrong

I recently read an article in The New York Times calling out people like me. People who work to see their GPAs sing "Aaaaa" and who expect the best of themselves.

Let me set some things straight before I dive in:

1- I am a college junior who has never received a grade lower than an A- in my college career.
2- I am a journalism major who would love to one day write for a paper as prestigious as The New York Times. I just think they got this opinion piece a little wrong.
3- I am admittedly awful at writing opinion pieces and research papers and I would consider this a mixture of both.

So anyway, Adam Grant told his readers that he was once someone like me. He wanted the good grades, too. He believed the As would allow him to advance in his school and career and wanted to see these grades do the work for him, or so it seems.

Grant also mentioned that the students that do receive these grades are lacking in the places that matter.

Maybe I am a miracle. Maybe I stand out. But, my current GPA is a 3.947, I received all As or A+s my sophomore year and I am on track to earning another 4.0 this semester. And I have friends and a social life.

You may be thinking right now about my previous blog post in which I revealed that I am still on the look for more friends- you're right. But, this lack of a tight social group has nothing to do with how many hours I spend working on papers or studying for exams.

I can confirm that I am a part of my fair share of clubs, I write for our student newspaper, and I will never miss a home football game. Prime example- I could have earned 40 extra credit points in my hardest class this semester if I would have given up one game, but I would not give up on my Husker football tradition of staying until the clocks hit 0:00.

I was also told when I accepted my Resident Assistant job that I would more than likely see my GPA drop. I am a stubborn individual who enjoys proving people wrong, so I studied just a little harder, talked to my professors and rose my GPA my first year on the job.

Grant said that students like me are good at "cramming information and regurgitating it on exams" and I will admit I do this. Actually, I would like to add that to my resume. As a future journalist, I hope my editors will see how good I am at memorizing information and retelling it in a new way. I think that's a lot of what my job will be.

However, if all we had to do was cram and regurgitate information, wouldn't more people have straight As?

From what I have seen at UNL so far, for those of us with the grades Grant is calling out, cramming doesn't work.

I have found that the people who pull the most all-nighters, you know- missing out on their social life because they're in the study room all night long- receive lower grades. Actually, I am not the only one who sees this.

Psychology Today reported that students who have a healthier sleep schedule tend to be those individuals with better performance in school.

Doing well in school is also beneficial to one's mental health. Sure, in high school it can crush us, but once a routine is found, it is possible to earn a 4.0 without mental breakdowns every three days.

When a student earns a good grade, it contributes positively to their self-confidence, optimism and self-efficacy. All of these things are positively related to enhanced well-being which contributes to a longer, happier life (source- EDPS 320: Positive Psychology).  This could, in fact, give you more time to join another club or volunteer when you're older.

Grant also said that students who receive all As require conformity.

I am biased and I come from an education in the journalism department, but I think Grant's idea is outdated.

More often than not, when I am graded it is based on my ability to apply a concept and create something new. To conform is to fail.

For example, last year I took a multimedia journalism class with a final project that needed to be completed with only an iPad and a laptop for typing. The project was to contain elements of audio, video, a story and a multimedia graphic of some type.

That was all we were told. Not only was there no feasible way to conform to anything but if I would have, it would not have been rewarded. My class was taught by Pulitzer Prize winner Matt Waite. He earned the prestigious award by being a leader in the creation of PolitiFact- if you know politics you've heard of it at least once or twice.

I'm telling you this because professors are no longer just old men in suit coats that want to be told back what they've told you. Professors like Waite look forward to grading projects because they want to be inspired by what their students have thought of- at least the students that might receive an A.

This might sound intimidating, and trust me it was, but Waite told us he would reward failure if it meant we tried something new. This concept has been shared throughout my college and it is something that both freaks me out and excites me.

I am not always the most creative person in the room and I actually enjoy conformity. But, like this whole essay has told you, I also like to see As on my transcript. So, I must push my box open a little wider.

Pushing this box is also what I had to do to get my foot in the college's door anyway.

Grant made getting all As sound like something that could be earned through giving up any type of social life and studying at all hours of the day. It's not like that.

I have seen it happen for myself and many others that becoming a name and face your professors know is to your benefit if you're looking for As.

I am the girl everyone hates in class because I speak up. I am the girl in class everyone hates because I sit in the front and still have separate notebooks for my different classes. I am the girl everyone hates in class because even if I don't answer the question out loud I know it or write it down.

I am the girl in class everyone hates because I make sure my professor knows my name.

To get As, I will admit you might have to give up on half an hour of your social life to meet with your professor during office hours, but I can promise it will be worth it.

I will even admit that you may want to join a club your professor advises because they will get to know you as a person outside of the classroom. This can help them write a better letter of recommendation one day for scholarships or future endeavors. Plus, if you like their class, the club will also most likely interest you and you can find out what else that professor teaches.

This dispells Grant's argument that straight-A students take the easier classes for the grade they know they will receive.

I can willingly admit I have taken a class in college I knew would be easy, however, I also found enjoyment in the concepts and would have taken it despite the ease of an A. Theatre 112 is known for being an easy A at UNL, but it also allowed me to see three plays for free and I enjoy theatre, so I cannot complain. It was the best of both worlds.

I was not, however, "in my comfort zone" as Grant suggests. I attended more than one uncomfortable play and learned from those experiences. I believe Grant was making a shallow point and it could quickly be dissolved.

So students, work for that A in your classes. It will take work and prioritization but it will pay off when you feel more confident in yourself. Increasing your self-efficacy will grow your willingness to try more difficult things and conquer them as well. Admit it, like your ACT scores in high school, you only remember your GPA if it's really good or really bad.

Come on, nerds, let's get those As we know we deserve and show Grant what's up. Plus, you've read this far in a junior in college's blog she wrote during Finals Week, you must be half decent at studying anyway.

Football season is over and I'm working through my emotions

I often find myself asking why I chose to stay in a state where the air is physically abusive to my skin to go to school.

I curse the wind as it penetrates each layer of clothing I stacked on as if the chill was invited up my spine.

I am brutally honest about how much I hate winter and being cold makes me mean. Yet, attending the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is not something I regret choosing to do.

UNL has my heart. And well, so do my Husker football players. (So far, three or four actually know of my existence, but that's okay.)

Yesterday was the last home game of this year's season. We beat Michigan State 9-6.

We are officially 4-7 this season. We need to upset Iowa for a shot at a low-level bowl game.

It has been disgustingly cold the past two games. We will have eight 11 a.m. games this season.

Yet, the stadium was always full. Memorial Stadium holds approximately 90,000 people and every home game has had over 84,000 attendees.

Thousands and thousands of people have come together all season long to support the Huskers. Even for the first game against Akron with a monsoon that canceled the game. Even with an 0-6 record. Even with windchills in the single digits and snow coming at us.

We truly do "stick together through all kinds of weather."

But any team can fill seats if it has to.

What I love about my fellow Huskers is that we trust the process.

Huskers are known for being kind and just plain nice.

We don't like it when referees have bad calls, but we won't take issue with opposing fans.

I have welcomed visitors to games since my first year in the student section. What I love is that when I shout out my "welcome to Lincoln," I am rarely the first to have greeted them.

Nebraska is not for everyone, ask our tourism department.

But Nebraska is for me.

Nebraska is for those of us that want to come together to support a tradition of excellence, toughness and progress.

This state and this football program has brought together fans across all walks of life and that brings me hope.

Each week we welcome the pilots of whatever aircraft makes an appearance for the flyover during the national anthem. We thank someone new each week for watching over the empty chair representing a POW.

I look forward to meeting up with a certain fan that always makes an appearance to tell us in the student section to get hyped up (normally at the wrong time). I know the marching band's introduction for pre-game by heart. The band's hype video is one of my favorite videos each week,

The Huskers have had a rough season. We didn't start well, we've lost members of our student body and we haven't been given the best weather or timing for games.

But I can still count on the fans to come out and support the school and sport they love.

So, I guess, it's all worth the air hurting my face.

International students adjust to Nebraskan life

DISCLAIMER- This project was done using only an iPad and my compter was only allowed to be used to type. This was my final for a multimedia journalism class.

International students adjust to Nebraskan life

When Rushi Ou looks down at her phone to check the time, she must remember which of the two clocks to trust. One shows Nebraska time while the other shows the time in her home province Fujian - a 13 hour difference.

As an international student, she has found this and many other ways to adjust to living in the center of America instead of southern China.

Both Ou and her roommate Yuting Yang are studying at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln as first year transfer students.

Ou, an advertising major from Fujian studied for two years at the Taihu University of Wuxi in China and transferred here for the Advertising and Public Relations major offered by the College of Journalism and Mass Communications.

“It is just so safe here,” she said.

To research, she asked her cousin, who was a senior getting ready to graduate high school, to help her decide between UNL, The Ohio State University and Michigan State.

“I don’t know if it’s true,” Ou said. “But I saw online that this program is one of the top 15 in the country.”

On the other hand, Yang’s decision to come to UNL was made when she decided to attend the Partnership Degree Program in Hangzhou Zhejiang City College for her finance degree.

Yang is from Zhejiang and knew that this program started there and would transfer to UNL after two years.

“My parents thought the program looked really great and so did I,” Yang said. “They were really supportive.”

However, as President Donald Trump issued differing travel bans, Ou worried at home that the work she put into getting accepted and making her decision to study abroad had been for nothing.

“I asked my parents, ‘what if they don’t allow me to go?’” she said. “I would have been so disappointed.”

While the politics in America made things more difficult, the two made it over with no issues and say they have enjoyed their time in the States.

Both said they kept an open mind before coming to America, and were mostly surprised by Nebraska’s weather.

“The hot in Nebraska is not that hot,” Yang said. “But cold is very cold.”

The most confusing aspect of Nebraskan culture that the women could not seem to wrap their minds around was how Nebraskans wear t-shirts and shorts year-round.

“I saw someone wearing shorts with a heavy coat,” Ou said. “It just didn’t make sense.”

The women arrived in Lincoln in August and understood the shorts, but the continuation makes them laugh.

While the weather surprised them, the women said the adjustment to Nebraska did not take long.

“It’s just another city,” Ou said.

Ou credited her ability to adjust to her knowledge of the English language and history of studying far from home for her first two years in China.

She claims Chinese students first “touch on English in the third grade” and then revisit it with more detail and focus again in seventh.

Yang was also happy upon arrival knowing one of her roommates was also from China, as they had not signed up to live together.

Originally there were two Chinese and two domestic students in their room in East Side Suites.

Ou said this was a good way to acclimate into the university because it allowed her to feel comfortable in her skin.

“I did not feel that I was alone,” she said. “But I could also get to know people that are very different than me.”

This stranded feeling is something that people like International Business Lecturer Chandra Schwab aims to help alleviate.

“I don’t think they get out into the community enough,” Schwab said. “I have worked hard this year to help them do so mostly through group volunteer events.”

Schwab has a heart for international students and claims she is “surprised the variety of backgrounds and experiences that the students brought with them.”

“Even within China there are students from all over the country from many different types of schools and family backgrounds,” she said. “It is definitely impossible to categorize the students.”

This is the case for Ou and Yang. While both are from China, Ou is from a much more southern region than Yang, which leads to them speaking with different dialects. However, both speak and understand Mandarin.

According to Ou, when Yang speaks on the phone with her family, Ou can understand Yang’s dialect, but this is not true vice versa.

These are some examples of the Ou speaking her native language:

Hi, my name is Rushi Ou My favorite animal is a lion. This is my first year at UNL.

“As you go more north, the languages get closer and closer to Mandarin,” Ou said.

This can make the experience of living in a foreign country more difficult, but also more rewarding, according to the two.

While there are many people in their shoes, no two experiences are the same.

According to the UNL Factbook, there are currently 105 countries represented in undergraduate courses and 904 students from just China.

Here is an interactive visual to see where students are coming from. 

Nonetheless, the stories and events in each person’s life will differ.

The one thing that hasn’t been argued about so far? The American food nobody can avoid.

“For Chinese food, I let me roommate cook,” Yang said. “But I like French fries.”

Sometimes, Self-Love is Pizza

I've been reading a lot about loving myself lately. It's interesting to read through what other people say is loving themselves and comparing it to what I think of.

When other people say to love yourself, they throw in ideas like a warm bubble bath, treating yourself at the mall, and working out.

Almost every list involves sweating in the gym with headphones in ignoring the world.

I find this intriguing.

Sure, I also love the endorphins after a couple miles on the treadmill, but it is not what I would consider loving myself.

When I think of the gym, I think of where I go when I am stressed out of my mind and need a clearer head.

Hopping on a treadmill with who-knows-what jamming in my earbuds is perfect for days like those. But that is not my happy place. No, that comes afterward.

I also think of the gym as a place I wish to change myself.

No, I am not looking to lose a bunch of weight (I am content in that area), but my goal is to run a 5k this summer, so I need to build endurance and the mental capacity to keep moving.

This also helps me in trying to tone what I have.

I am not a muscular person. This could be why I don't weigh very much. But, the gym helps me work on this as well.

And all of these things are changes. Good changes, but changes all the same.

So that brings me back to my point that brought you here.

To me, self-love is loving myself as I am, right here. It's loving the girl in her fuzzy "If it's snowing, I'm not going" sweater with the heater on.

My "self-love" isn't changing myself. It's acknowledging that who I am today is good enough. Who I am today can kick some booty. Who I am today, right now, can smile thinking about what I do day-to-day and who I talk to regularly.

My ideas of loving myself allow me to know that there is half a small pizza in the fridge behind me and I am excited to eat it all tonight.

I am not saying that going to the gym is bad or that your idea of self-love should mirror mine.

However, you should love who you are. You are right where you are meant to be in this moment. If you weren't you wouldn't be here.

You are meant to be reading this blog post and hopefully smiling and sipping hot cocoa.

But these are my thoughts and my definition of self-love. And that's all they are. Take them for what they are.

These are simply my thoughts,
Christa

Open Letter to Those Hiding Behind "Looking for More Friends"

Dear you, yes you, the girl or guy that has the New Year's resolution of making more friends and being more social this year, semester, month, week. I know who you are.

I see you.

I see you because I am you. Ever since the 7th grade, I have been looking for my group. That ideal friend group that allows me not to wonder who I would try to set up plans with on a Friday night, but what we would be doing. The groups you see in the movies, on Instagram, and seemingly everywhere I look.

If you're like me, that's probably why you're still reading this and not writing me off as some loser who needs to get her stuff together.

Yes, I am 20 and looking for friends.

You see, I have friends. I know I have friends. I could make a list of them for you here and now and feel better about myself for the next few hours before I watch Netflix in bed and fall asleep.

But, that's not what my thoughts say. As I sit alone in my dorm typing away, my thoughts remind me over and over of just what is occurring. Sure, I can make all sorts of excuses for why I am not with others right now and they would be convincing, too. But that's not the point.

If you and I share these thoughts, you probably feel as though none of your friends form that specific bond. You haven't established the go-to group for plans every weekend. And, sometimes, as hard as it is to admit, we let ourselves believe we don't have friends to begin with.

"If I truly had friends along with acquaintances I wouldn't feel as lonely as I do," you think to yourself. And then it becomes your own little pity party.

Then the self-doubt sets in. This is the worst. Your new ever-constant thought is "why." Why don't I have friends? Why am I not hanging out with people right now? Why do I have to initiate all the time?
The list goes on and on.

And, yes, it sucks.

You know deep in your heart that you're not alone and you probably have someone in your contact list you could talk to, but nobody wants to admit to feeling lonely.

I go to a school with 26,000+ students enrolled, yet I am sitting in Smith Hall wondering when my boyfriend will text back.

Yeah, I've had those thoughts.

For some of you that are more an acquaintance than a tight friend, and maybe even some close friends, this will surprise you.

I try to be the happiest person I can be. However, since beginning college, I have realized that life is not always offering smiles and rainbows. But, I still believe there is always at least one thing going on to smile about.

I've let people know this more often than earlier in my life.

This authenticity is scary to show people. It's a leap of faith to not say every day is "good" and every class is "fine." Some people want to know the truth, others don't. But being real with people allows them to be real back. So I'm hoping this will work out into stronger relationships with people I have yet to meet.

So what now? I've told you a lot. I have been brutally honest. To be more explicit- if you feel the way I do some nights, you understand what it feels like to think nobody else understands because everyone else has a group.
I promise you, not everyone does. I am living, breathing proof of that fact.

I know when I posted this, you were probably hoping for some step by step guide in making friends or finding your group.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that.

I am still working on finding a club or group of people with similar interests in order to just start this process.

But, here's my advice to you.

Think of those you already spend time with. For me, I think of old high school friends, the RAs I work with, and my friend from elementary that rooms with a mutual friend from hall government last year.

Are any of us hanging out each weekend or shopping together every other day? No. But they are people I trust I could open up to about an issue if one were to arise.

If you don't have this type of groups, that's okay, think of individuals you enjoy being around.

Now, work on those relationships first. It is much easier to get closer to people you already have an established relationship with.

I cannot be truly sure about the next step because I am admittedly a work in progress. So take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

What I foresee as being the next step is trifold.

One, find some people you kind of know and work on those relationships, you never know how they could work out. Ask if they want to study or go somewhere. The worst that could happen is they say no.

Two, find a captive audience and see how it plays out. For me, this means talking to people before class when they have already sat down. So far, I have one potential buddy to go see a play for my theatre class. I don't know how it'll work out, but at least I am potentially not going to a musical involving puppet nudity alone.

Three, with your old friends, go out and meet people. Your confidence in talking to someone new is strengthened when you already know someone else involved in the conversation, or at least have someone to rant to afterward if it goes badly.

I am not guaranteeing you a new best friend. I am not guaranteeing you anything.

I hope you all make some great friends and I hope you smile today.

By the way, if you ask me about this post in person, I will likely cry and say I was "in a mood." I am much stronger facing these struggles behind a screen and dealing with them internally. So, sorry in advance if I shoo you off regarding anything mentioned here.

These are simply my thoughts,
Christa

Sorry I Welcomed You Here

This post is not about football. Well. It is. But it's about so much more.
If you're here to hear my thoughts on losing 56-14 yesterday, you won't find them. If you're wondering how I feel about our new AD, you'll have to wait.
This post is about to be much more personal.

As mentioned above, the Huskers played the Buckeyes last night in Memorial Stadium under the lights. The game started around 6:30, I arrived at noon. The forecast said it would be 65 all night, in reality, it felt like 40 with 35 mph winds. I knew Ohio State was good but they were up by 21 and we hadn't scored yet. This was before halftime. To put it in layman's terms, I had been having a rough day.
However,  I have been working this year on not taking that out on people. It's nobody's fault that I'm cold and we're losing. I should have put on more layers and our defense needed some work.
That being said, I try my best to always exemplify "Nebraska nice." I do the three claps when the announcer introduces the opposing team, I shut up when a player is hurt, and I welcome every opposing fan that walks past to Lincoln.
Unfortunately, that tradition may need to end.
Last night around the end of second quarter, some Buckeye fans were standing beneath the student section, right under me to be exact. They were hooting and hollering for their team and I was cheering for mine. I'll admit, I tried to be louder on my own than the four of them. Maybe that's what prompted the rest of this story.
When the plays stopped, a Buckeye turned around to look at me. As I do, I welcomed him to Lincoln. He thanked me and said something to the effect of liking the score. How could he not? His team had scored every time they received the ball. I replied that I was hoping for a better half that might just make him a little sad. It was a joke. I figured these people were leaving soon.
Well, he didn't like that very much. He let me know how nice it was of me to "want to make an old man cry." I tried to joke with him again and went back to watching the game.
He wasn't entertained. He wanted a high five. I gave him a high five. He wanted a high ten. I gave him a high ten. At this point, I was annoyed with the clearly intoxicated at least 45-year-old. I wanted him to leave me alone.
I tried to ignore him and glanced at the fans around me. They thought he was annoying but didn't think much of it.
Well, he came back and wanted me to come down to the field with him. That was an obvious "hell no." I told him I wasn't interested. Instead of backing off, he grabbed his friend and they both let me know that I could trust them. It would be fun.
I'm not stupid.
I told them both that I was content and didn't want to leave my spot. I was in the front row, why would I give that up for anything??
The guys went and watched the game with their sister or wife for a while and I was a little more at ease.
Then they all came back. One of the men gestured at me with both his hands up, I looked down, confused. I tried to give him another high ten, but this time that wasn't what he wanted.
"Give me your armpits," he told me. "I won't drop you."
I told him that I was still not interested. At this point, I was pissed.
I asked his whole group why they were standing here.
The woman replied "because we're winners! We can stand wherever we want! We're wiiiiinnners. We PISS excellence."
What a lady. I asked them why they wanted to stand right in front of the student section when there is a whole section just for visitors.
They didn't care to answer.
One of my friends got involved and told them they had a section they belonged in and it wasn't by us.
Three of them went back to the cheerleaders. One stayed and tried to convince me to give him my armpits again. I was not amused.
I ignored him and he went back to his group for a while. I told those around me that they seriously made me uncomfortable.
A fan I met that day intervened the next time he came back to offer me a hot dog. Talk about Nebraska nice.
I did not want anything to do with that man or a hot dog.
The group finally left and told us they were going to go to the bar. I told them to drive carefully and to be safe. Luckily, they weren't planning on driving.

I will likely never see those people again and I am just fine with that.
The reason I am posting this publically isn't just to make Ohio State fans look bad, though.
I am posting this for a couple reasons.
1. It helps me think through things by writing them out.
2. If this ever happens with a Husker on the drunk man side, I will not be happy.
And most importantly, 3. The world needs to be careful with people.
No matter where you go, people need to be aware of their surroundings and the possible consequences for their actions. This story is honestly not a big deal. I won't have to think about it very much after this week or so.
But, what if someone else had climbed down with them just to see what would happen? Who knows what they could have decided to do with her.
And why did they think I was dumb or slutty enough to want to let them touch me at all?
For those of you that still think girls can "ask for it" with their outfit choices, I was wearing high top converse, jeans, and two jackets with both hoods up and everything zipped and buttoned.
Sure, it was just some drunk guys trying to have a good time, but I for one did not enjoy it.
So, don't be that guy. If you're old enough, treat each lady you see like she's your daughter. If you're not, treat them like your sister.
You never know what your actions can do to a person's mental stability. I am fine now, but last night I just wanted to be in my dorm.
Don't make someone want to stay home from their favorite thing.
Don't be a drunk asshole.

That's all I've got for today.
Thanks for reading,
Christa