If you ever met me in high school or college, you probably also met my best friends. Sorry Liv and Ally, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about my to do lists. I am a sucker for a good to do list. And I am completely okay with this.
Throughout my undergrad I remember making monthly, weekly and daily lists of goals. And they were always full. I was an active member of my college community and the RA life didn't allow for much free time anyway. So I fell in love with always having things to do and due dates to complete them by. Yes, this stressed me out, but knowing I was completing things all the time was my favorite feeling. I say was, but it honestly still is.
But lately, I haven't been busy. My to do lists are quite simple. I don't have to write anything down in my planner no matter how much I want to.
I remember telling someone (and then being referred to therapy and turned away, but that's a different story) that if I wasn't busy, I was more stressed. I meant that.
Somehow 2020 helped me calm that down. I was able to learn what it meant to relax and only have self-care on my list of things to complete in a day. Even now, my list rarely says more that "laundry (which I should be folding right now), work, run, shower" because I simply haven't been doing much else. It has been nice, yes, but it is not how I see my 2021 lasting.
So that brings me to this year's words. I choose words instead of resolutions because I believe I can morph words into what I need them to be as the year goes on. I don't want to feel like I failed and have to give up when I suck at keeping a resolution and goals fall flat for me if they don't have a concrete specificity to them.
My words for 2021 are "growth," "intent or intention" and "joy" all for their own reasons.
Growth
I chose growth because I truly do want to grow and mature this year. I said it last year, too. And I might say it in 2022. But I really do want to move out of my parents' house and into my own. Preferably with a dog and a master's degree in the works. I have recently realized how many things go into having my own house- wifi payments, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, making every single meal, etc. and it excites me. I want to be able to manage all of those things.
I also would like to grow physically into an even stronger Christa. I don't talk about it much anymore, but I still feel lasting side effects of COVID and that drives me crazy. But I am learning each and every day how and when to listen to my body. I have also realized that pushing myself isn't always the answer. So I want to become a stronger version of myself and maybe reach out of cardio. Maybe.
Intention
At work, I see teachers working their booties off to make sure their lesson plans all serve a purpose. In my RA gig, I also learned to make everything mean something else. Sorry Smith 8 Ladies, our Bachelor nights were about more than Pilot Pete and you didn't even realize! But as of lately, I haven't done many things intentionally. I work from 8:30-3:00, come home, work out, chat with my mom, and basically just exist in that world. This is not a bad thing but it isn't pushing me toward the goals I know I can achieve. So I want to be more intentional with my time.
To do this, I know I need to spend less time staring at a screen. My phone is my biggest distraction even when I'm not talking to anyone. TikToks, Candy Crush, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Tinder, Snapchat- I've caught myself spending ungodly amounts of time on all of them. And I mean that literally.
While I have had a better relationship with my faith since joining Reality Church and a life group there, I am far from where I could and should be. I know that sort of growth doesn't happen all by itself, though. (Hey, they all work together, see that??). I also need to be intentional with my time and actions to grow that relationship like I would with any friend I hadn't seen in a while. (Which is pretty much everyone reading this probably. Guys, I miss you all!)
Joy
I am admittedly good at finding joy in things. I consider that a blessing and a gift. But I want to spark more joy in other people. I want to find more things that bring me joy. And I want to share what I find with others. I know that this can appear fake or cliche, but hear me out.
Every day I send my Snapchat friends a reason to smile. I have done this for years and I am so happy with how it turned out that it even made it to my graduation cap for college. But now I want to be more real about these things. Instead of "the sun is shining" every morning, I want to go a bit deeper. I am also working to have my friends snap me back with what made them smile throughout that day as we all go to bed.
I believe these things will all pay off for a more positive and affirming life. It also allows people to share that they haven't been super joyful that day. That's okay! But even on the hardest days, there is something to be grateful for.
I also want to use this word as a way of decluttering my life. If it doesn't bring me joy, I'm simply not keeping it. That could be a piece of clothing, a relationship, or even a conversation. This is also how I will look at what I add to my life. If it brings me joy, I will work to make it happen. If not, it's not worth the effort.
So that's my 2021 plan in a nutshell. It's very 2020+1 but that's just the way of the world right now.
Thanks for reading!
♥ Christa
